Road Retards..

This piece bears a refreshing change from all the rather morose stuff you've read so far. This takes an honest and critical look at the conditions of young road-maniacs in Goa. In other words, this is an attempt to be funny.

Anyone riding slower than you is an idiot and anyone riding faster than you is a maniac. Let's start with the maniacs. They ride bent forward at 120kmph and zoom through traffic like they're on their way to shit. I see a lot of these jokers on the Xavier's slope in Mapusa and the Dhempe's road in Miramar. Talk about Attention Deficit Disorder.

Another group of people who should be hung upside down from a banyan tree and swung vigorously back and forth. People, who while crossing the road look the other side and continue walking across as though not looking at the approaching vehicles would make the vehicles disappear. A bit like an Ostrich who puts his head in the sand and think because he can't see his attacker, the attacker can't see him. Scientists and evolutionists claim that we're superior than birds.

Yet another group of people who should be tied to a Cactus and shot in the asshole with a dart-gun and then be made to recuperate in a prison cell filled with the rhinophonic melodies of Himesh Reshammiya. People who ride bikes and suddenly apply brakes and stop. Wow. What an amazing mechanism is that? It defies the law of Inertia! Unfortunately, all bikes have that mechanism, and it doesn't make you special, unless you like to sound like a constipated rat on steroids who suddenly discovered he has absolutely no shoulders.
A third group of retarded imbeciles who should be made to live in a shed with mad buffaloes. People who put Ferrari logos on their Marutis. Does putting a new logo change the car? I believe, technically speaking, that it is copyright infringement. I've even seen a Pulsar with a Hayabusa sticker. Defintiely male, indeed.

Another group of people who ought to have been at the World Trade Centre on 11th September, 2001. Owners of cars who put single digit numbers on their licence plate. Anything particularly wrong in putting all four numbers? And car owners who pay the RTO to have the number 007 on their car. Do they really fool themselves into thinking that we believe that James Bond drives that car? James Bond drives an Aston Marin, not a Hyundai Santro.

The last group of people who ought to be asked to continue this series of complaints. These people, by far, are the most annoying. People who put lame, stupid, goofy graphics on their bikes and think they're cool. Putting some shining stickers of various bullshit shapes does not make the bike better in any aspect. The craze for using graphics on bikes, specially Dios is getting to me. I find nothing wrong in the basic design of a Bike that you have to put some lame graphics to make the bike a bit more noticeable. Again, Attention seeking losers. And the height is when they look at their graphical-ized bike and say. This is my baby.. Ain't she hot...?? Before these genteel words turn into a barrage of insults, I'll stop. A piece of parting advice. Die for a cause you believe in, not for lack of a helmet.